Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
