so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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