Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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