I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Randomize
