Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
