I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
