I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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