I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
