Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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