I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
