Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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