i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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