Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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