we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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