so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh god it's open bar.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
