I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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