when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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