I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
