The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
