guys are not supposed to queef...right?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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