I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize