Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
