I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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