how can u be prego again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
