i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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