drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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