On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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