i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
