I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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