shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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