i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just crazy horny about you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
