Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
