Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
