my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
