I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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