I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
