I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
