Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
