the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
