ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
