sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
