you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
