we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
