My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
