Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
