when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize