I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Houston, we have a blender
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
