"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
