Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
