I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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