She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
