she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
