just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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