my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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