i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
