I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
