just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
