I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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