I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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